just stop already!
you're driving me crazy with your invitations and announcements. sure i'll go, but i promise it's so that i can dance with your brother and get shitfaced with your mom. you know i'm vegan, so sure the salad looks fine. it will go great with the 13 glasses of champagne, 2 bottles of wine, and a various array of cocktails, beer, and shots i will plan on guzzling.
if i'm forced to perform this meaningless celebration my color theme will be hot pink and leopard print, live snakes will be my center pieces, and your gift must be a sex toy, alcohol, or drug. we might as well all just meet on JamCruise or rent a boat, let's get the New Deal, Phish, Pretty Lights, and I don't know maybe the Bouncing Souls and The Cure with special guest Morrissey to play. why the fuck not.
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