widowmaker

i'd chop down forests just to leave my boots under your bed.

Certainly Tonight inthe Bright Blue Moonlight

saw Widower last night. got to talk to two fantastic gentlemen. one in particular, who actually invited me out for the evening... went here when I was there: University of Limerick (see right), where he was studying Environmental Law. small world.

which made me realize....

1) i love the peddle steel

2) i am not a city girl

3) i love my cowgirl boots and big belt buckles

4) i'm a sucker for bourbon

5) i like men with beards

i hope he calls back. i make horrible first impressions.

Marriage Kills

TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS GETTING ENGAGED OR MARRIED....

just stop already!

you're driving me crazy with your invitations and announcements. sure i'll go, but i promise it's so that i can dance with your brother and get shitfaced with your mom. you know i'm vegan, so sure the salad looks fine. it will go great with the 13 glasses of champagne, 2 bottles of wine, and a various array of cocktails, beer, and shots i will plan on guzzling.

if i'm forced to perform this meaningless celebration my color theme will be hot pink and leopard print, live snakes will be my center pieces, and your gift must be a sex toy, alcohol, or drug. we might as well all just meet on JamCruise or rent a boat, let's get the New Deal, Phish, Pretty Lights, and I don't know maybe the Bouncing Souls and The Cure with special guest Morrissey to play. why the fuck not.

you cut the sleeves off perfect good shirts.

Remembering February.

I've never walked with so much height as when you are in the room. Tonight I am 10ft tall and everyone else will part ways when I smile through sangria lips. Your coolness makes me shimmer and I 'm not even wearing clean clothes. I'm not heavy. I'm game. I'm the raw rare spicy meat that is hard enough to catch but even harder to tame. I've got even bulk to sink your teeth into. Bite me. Hard. I won't sell you short. I see you absent mindily pushing the curls down that twist out over your ears and I want to claw your white shirt off. Others see the backs of your smooth rounded jeans, that quick flash of a smile, the glint of the light off your sharp canines, the pulsing dart of your eyes as you look her up and down admiring the flowers of her dress. I don't mind that others see you hungry like the wolf. I see your barefoot feet and admire their smooth whiteness... as they kick between my legs, behind my knees pushing me onto you as you sink your lips into my neck. Bite me. Harder.

no hope

crying over oblivious reasons. i just cant keep this inside. all these years of feeling, pretending. did you feel like lying to me? because i always felt like dying. clutching that bottle, listening to morrissey, never did much for me. nothing is as it seems. nothing will be the same. i am smashed. smothered. i cant keep this feeling afloat. all thoughts of excellence i had have diminished. i am only as good as you say i am, because i have no hope. no hope. just no hope. 

tell me that there is something more than a puddle in the street, a face on the screen, and a book opened and half read. only the rain can hide these tears. why do you think i moved to seattle?

alone. depressed. why is he moving to Seattle? why did I move to Seattle? 

far. away. dejected. 

where is home?

she's a maneater

watch out boys, she's chew you up.

i'm still hesitant about bringing home the rabbit. it is difficult trying to determine how much time i will have, how often i will be home, and how much money i can put aside to care for him. the ones at the shelter have been there for months, and i'm not really concerned about any of them getting adopted in the meantime. I think  my schedule is going to be extremely hectic until fall quarter, if not until Thanksgiving. then it becomes an issue of what to do if i go home for the entire break. weighing options is difficult now. im in such a tight fiscal crunch, with no outlet. with the job market dwindling, and physical drop offsof the resumes required i'm forced to spend a great deal of my time searching and traveling to even apply for the jobs. i think at times i spend more time doing this than doing my work for school.

for now i have free pets. Crayfish for example. and fungi, and slime molds. 

DIS/LiKe

DIS:

• people who run with limp wrists. my soccer coaches would have put me up for 3 full field suicides for T REX arms. your arms act as a visceral piston, forcing air and blood to your lungs and heart. use them. 
• dogs in rain coats. you might as well put your cat on a leash while you're at it
•  lame, mean, ignorant, and rude people should not be employed. there are nice, smiling, courteous people who would like your job. 
• not being able to see the sunrise (or any light) from my lack of a view. jenkey courtyard versus streetview window. lose/lose. 

LIKE:

• sweating. the liquid of accomplishment. 
• bikes. they go the distance. transportation, exercise, load hauling. just wish mine was more practical and not as heavy
• hummus. best version of ground chickpeas ever.
• the sound of birds after the rain stops. its always more pronounced after the long silence of rain.
• my developing music taste. its spanning genres and crossing gaps like synapses in a norepinephrine mine field. converge to dmb to sts9 to the slackers to miles davis to angela hewitt.