no hope

crying over oblivious reasons. i just cant keep this inside. all these years of feeling, pretending. did you feel like lying to me? because i always felt like dying. clutching that bottle, listening to morrissey, never did much for me. nothing is as it seems. nothing will be the same. i am smashed. smothered. i cant keep this feeling afloat. all thoughts of excellence i had have diminished. i am only as good as you say i am, because i have no hope. no hope. just no hope. 

tell me that there is something more than a puddle in the street, a face on the screen, and a book opened and half read. only the rain can hide these tears. why do you think i moved to seattle?

alone. depressed. why is he moving to Seattle? why did I move to Seattle? 

far. away. dejected. 

where is home?